Crème de la Crème Pomme Frites
“Made from Chipperbec potatoes blanched in Dom Perignon Champagne and J. LeBlanc French Champagne Ardenne vinegar, then fried in pure goose fat from France before being topped with Crete Senesi Pecorino Tartufello and black summer truffles from Italy, the Crème de la Crème Pomme Frites are $200 — and own the title of being the world’s most expensive French fries” – This is the description given by InsideHook’s shiny Food and Drink section for a dish that most “good” parents will try to steer clear of for their kids.
If my child tells me, “Mom but I love French fries the most! I can eat them all day everyday for the rest of my life and will never ever get bored”, I will obviously not support that choice because I know the consequences of having that diet can be detrimental. It is “obvious” only because of the common sense and wisdom from education, reading, health histories, all-in-all because of the data that I have gathered from experience living over the years on this earth, that I can now subconsciously process to conclude “No dear, how about you eat these vegetables and pasta first, along with the side of these fries”. While I deny French fries as being the main course, I also know that I am not going to end up with a happy child if I eliminate French fries from her diet altogether.
What I did there was run a mental exploratory analysis of what’s best for my child, knowing what options are present, what my child sees (to the best of their knowledge), what I know is best (to the best of my knowledge) and how we can find a happy ending without compromising a great deal.
This is exactly what I’ve been trying to do when we discuss career paths for all my children. It’s a misconception that all south Asian parents only want their children to become doctors or engineers. World-class education and worldwide experience gives south Asian parents the knowledge and means to find the best fit for their children’s’ passion. Fortunately, most of the south Asian families that I know in the United States, have supported, and encouraged their kids to seek out career paths that follow their passion. The child brings their area of interest and the parents bring the maps and tools with their life experiences and guidance, and together the family builds this path to success.
There is a difference between just supporting your kids to follow their passion, and, exploring the paths with them and being with them on their journey, until both of you have found the most optimum one. The latter is called parenting. Simply showing-up or being-there is the minimum expectation from parenthood. Beyond that being your child's guide, friend, agent and advocate is what's critical to their overall upbringing. Being hands-off or having a my way or the highway attitude, are both harmful methods of parenting. It will take hard work and several iterations to find the right fit, but where there is will, patience, love and smarts :), there’s surely a way.
We all know that we cannot keep working unless we find joy from our work. My best friend very wisely reminds me often that every person’s definition of joy and happiness is their own. It could be money, relationships, titles, feeling of accomplishment or all of the above. It is like a fingerprint, unique to the person. However, we can all agree that a 24x7x365 painter can only derive joy from painting until it supports his basic necessities of life. A painter whose parents supported him to rely solely on the sale of his paintings to feed himself, are pretty much setting up their kid for failure (in general terms). A quick search of the US Bureau of Labor statistics would have resulted in educating them that the simple art and design occupations growth projections are way slower than the average of other occupations. However, if that artist had a bachelor’s degree in graphics, special effects, animation or digital arts, their odds at guaranteeing sustenance are much better. Further exploration would result in the discovery of various 2D and 3D art platforms at Disney or Universal or any larger studios where the artist can have a fulfilling outlet for their original art, all while still holding canvas or watercolor exhibitions and sales all year round. Keeping up with the job (R)evolution should be part of our dinner-table conversation.
The flipside to this could be that in spite of all the data and information, a child does not want to pursue the path based on the family’s collective research for whatever reason. None of my children fall into that category right now, but if they did, my POA in that case would be to agree as a family that the decision is to wing-it based on instinct, but at least have a Plan B well chalked out if winging it does not fly. Most south Asian families have a healthy family dynamic and will agree that the painters' gotta eat too!
Both the above would still be the well-researched ways, not necessarily the easy ways, to pave to enable the child to become the best version of themselves.
None of this is possible unless both parties, my child and I are ready to put in the hard work. My husband explained it to one of my daughters very nicely. “Sailee, tell me what would you like to see yourself doing when you grow up? We can then find out the average lifestyle that occupation can provide and paint a virtual picture of what quality of life you can expect. We can then work our way down from that path to see what we should be doing right now to eventually get there.” My advice was, “If you cannot “see” what you would be doing in the future, just try to figure out what you like very much right now and we can then do research and draw several possible paths all leading different ways to different lifestyles starting from that seed, and then that will probably help you visualize where you would like to end up.” Its basically the option to perform either Top-down, or bottom-Up exploratory analysis. This has been an eye-opening exercise for our family, and we all have learned a lot in the process. Not only is this process most inclusive of the child’s interests, but it has led to discoveries of occupations that we would have never known about, had we have not gone looking for it. It has also helped the children in setting their priorities in life straight. At no point did we discourage our kids from picking an occupation because it paid less than another one. A more humble choice of lifestyle is perfectly ok as long as you knowingly chose it. We simply made sure we all had the facts so we could make an informed decision. This is us not pushing our children into stereotype south Asian occupations, but in fact guiding our children to make informed decisions based on well-researched facts. Every parent wants to give the best to their children. I will say that this analytical skill to take life’s important decisions using a holistic approach backed by data and foresight, is the best gift you can give them.
A dream does not become a reality, until it is pursued with eyes wide open, so let’s not teach them to dream blindly. Let’s equip them with skills to realize their dreams and then encourage them to dream new dreams. Its wouldn’t be healthy, financially, or physically, to have Crème de la Crème Pomme Frites everyday however attractive it may look. So let’s recognize them for what they are and enjoy them once-in-a-while, while a continuous serving of vegetables, protein and carbs nourishes our long, healthy and fulfilling life.
The flipside to this could be that in spite of all the data and information, a child does not want to pursue the path based on the family’s collective research for whatever reason. None of my children fall into that category right now, but if they did, my POA in that case would be to agree as a family that the decision is to wing-it based on instinct, but at least have a Plan B well chalked out if winging it does not fly. Most south Asian families have a healthy family dynamic and will agree that the painters' gotta eat too!
Both the above would still be the well-researched ways, not necessarily the easy ways, to pave to enable the child to become the best version of themselves.
None of this is possible unless both parties, my child and I are ready to put in the hard work. My husband explained it to one of my daughters very nicely. “Sailee, tell me what would you like to see yourself doing when you grow up? We can then find out the average lifestyle that occupation can provide and paint a virtual picture of what quality of life you can expect. We can then work our way down from that path to see what we should be doing right now to eventually get there.” My advice was, “If you cannot “see” what you would be doing in the future, just try to figure out what you like very much right now and we can then do research and draw several possible paths all leading different ways to different lifestyles starting from that seed, and then that will probably help you visualize where you would like to end up.” Its basically the option to perform either Top-down, or bottom-Up exploratory analysis. This has been an eye-opening exercise for our family, and we all have learned a lot in the process. Not only is this process most inclusive of the child’s interests, but it has led to discoveries of occupations that we would have never known about, had we have not gone looking for it. It has also helped the children in setting their priorities in life straight. At no point did we discourage our kids from picking an occupation because it paid less than another one. A more humble choice of lifestyle is perfectly ok as long as you knowingly chose it. We simply made sure we all had the facts so we could make an informed decision. This is us not pushing our children into stereotype south Asian occupations, but in fact guiding our children to make informed decisions based on well-researched facts. Every parent wants to give the best to their children. I will say that this analytical skill to take life’s important decisions using a holistic approach backed by data and foresight, is the best gift you can give them.
A dream does not become a reality, until it is pursued with eyes wide open, so let’s not teach them to dream blindly. Let’s equip them with skills to realize their dreams and then encourage them to dream new dreams. Its wouldn’t be healthy, financially, or physically, to have Crème de la Crème Pomme Frites everyday however attractive it may look. So let’s recognize them for what they are and enjoy them once-in-a-while, while a continuous serving of vegetables, protein and carbs nourishes our long, healthy and fulfilling life.
